Why not wanting kids does not make me any less of a woman

I am a 30-year old woman who got married back in 2015. My husband and I are two individuals who earn through our jobs. We enjoy spending time together--eating out and watching Netflix all day long.

Whenever I look at my husband, I find joy in knowing that I chose someone who's right for me. He's far from perfect but that's what I like most about him. Most of all, he supports me in all my endeavors-- whether it includes baking, starting a business, learning calligraphy, or even crocheting.

For my part, I would like to think that I'm a good wife to him since I make sure our household is clean, take care of the bills, handle our finances properly, and even cook dinner (on most days). I support him and all his interests.

I don't want children... at least not at this point in my life. Despite anyone thinking otherwise, it's something I really don't see for myself.

This is why I hate it when people assume they know me and say that we've been praying for a child. I've kept quiet about it for a while now but it's been a big burden for me.

I don't want to be pressured into thinking I need to have a child just because I'm married.

Marriage has always been out of the picture ever since I can remember. Unlike most women, I never dreamed of getting married at all. I never wanted to be tied down to one man for the rest of my life.

I always envisioned myself as an independent woman, someone who doesn't need a man to make decisions for her. But when I met my husband, things changed.

What made me decide to marry my husband was the fact that he respected me enough to let me follow my own dreams and desires. I knew he was the right one for me because he allowed me to be myself even when we were already engaged.

I am trying to live a healthy life by making wise choices.

I paid a visit to my OB-Gyne last year because I had not been getting regular periods. I knew I've always been irregular but last year was the worst my period has gotten.

Out of 12 months, I only had 1 month where I had my period. This prompted me to visit my doctor and finally see what was wrong.

After several tests, the doctor told me that I had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I had been diagnosed with the condition a few years ago but my new doctor confirmed that it was back.

Along with her diagnosis, she recommended I take some medication to help normalize my periods. She also recommended that I lose weight so I could be back to a healthy weight for my height.

It's been a few months since our visit to the doctor but still, my period has not come on its own. I have not lost a significant amount of weight too, despite the medication. Because of this, I have been planning to go to the gym so I could be healthy once again.

In addition to my doctor's diagnosis, I made my own decision to not try to have a baby right now so I could focus on reaching my ideal weight. Getting pregnant now would be risky for me since I was at risk of gestational diabetes. By following my own desire to lose weight, I know that I can at least try to have a healthy pregnancy when the time comes.

I don't have the time right now.

Call me selfish for saying that I don't have the time to be a mother right now. But I prefer that you call me being smart and rational.

Right now, my husband and I work in the same company. We earn just enough to get by with our daily life. Other than that, I am studying to be a digital marketer.

When I'm done putting on those hats, I still have to prepare our food at home and do other household chores. On top of that, I have to make sure that I spend enough quality time with my husband so that our relationship will be strong.

I can't help but thank God that I was blessed with a husband who's willing to help me with the household chores. While I'm the one who cooks our food, my husband washes the dishes when we're done. I'm tasked to clean the kitchen and the bathroom, while he cleans our bedroom.

Given the load of all these things, I no longer have the time or energy for anything else. I don't have the time right now to wake up in the middle of the night to try and figure out what a little human wants from me.

To be honest, kids are expensive.

Most of the mothers I know can attest that having a child is expensive. They are typically stay-at-home moms who rely on their husbands to bring in the money for their household.

Don't get me wrong. I admire stay-at-home mothers because it's something I don't think I can do. But really, we cannot afford to have a child right now.

My husband and I have been together for a total of three years. We started dating in 2014 and got married a year later. We are still doing our best to keep our finances afloat.

Instead of having a child, I would rather spend the money we earn on building memories together-- traveling, watching movies, and dining out. I know that it may sound selfish to some people but I want my husband and I to have enough time for each other before we bring another person into our household.

I don't want to live a life of regrets.

I don't want to be like one of those women who look back in their life and say that they regret not living their dreams. These women usually say they missed out on so many professional and personal opportunities when they were younger just because they decided to focus on their child.

I know that mothers do not have the liberty to entrust their child to someone else. But I don't want to regret not being able to do certain things just because I have a child to take care of.

You see, children come into our lives and by default, they make themselves our number one priority. As a mother, you have a natural instinct to care for your child and put him on top of everything else; even your own well-being.

If I had a child now, there's no way I would still be able to do the things I'm doing without sacrificing his welfare. If I were in the middle of an important task and he cried, I'd end up getting mad at the idea of potentially losing my career.

If I do things my way, I know that it's really something that I want and am ready for. When that time comes, I'll know that I won't regret having a child anymore.

My decision is-- I am not ready to be a mother at this time in my life. It's not because I'm afraid I wouldn't be a good mother, it's the fact that I would. I know I'd be a good mom and teach my child how to be a kind person; to follow his dreams just the way I did.

Maybe someday, I'll be ready to be a parent. That one day when my phone's photo stream will be full of baby pictures instead of the dishes I ate and places I want to go. That one day that I'll be looking at the mirror and be proud of the marks I endured during pregnancy. That one day when I'm ready to set aside my laptop and hold a child in my arms because he's crying out for me.

Sure, there's always the possibility that my decision will change. I don't know when or where that will be but it's always a possibility. I might even change my decision 10 minutes from now. But at least I know it's a decision I made and will be ready for.

My not wanting to have a child right now does not mean I'm selfish, confused, or ignorant. And by all means, it does not make me any less of a woman.

Image source: Pixabay